ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
