This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
