She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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