I wish I only lived at night.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We have started to decorate penises.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
