Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
