I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
