He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
