If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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