fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
pray to the hookup gods
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
