She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
