This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
