clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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