OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
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