just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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