i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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