PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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