you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
