sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
A+ Viking dick
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
