we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
