Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i think i have herpe
just one?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
