my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
