"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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