I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
