I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
