I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
