oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
