her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
