I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
