I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The air taste purple.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
