Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
