I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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