Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
