No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
