he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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