You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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