operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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