I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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