The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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