it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
