I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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