Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
