Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
