New invention idea: vibrating tampons
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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