Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
