Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just tell him i said nine months
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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