Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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