i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
