he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
