ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
