she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
