mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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