Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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