i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
