He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
